Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
