Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
