Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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