The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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