And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
