literally had 100 drinks last night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
