I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
