You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
