dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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