So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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