she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
