the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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