They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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