she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
