if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
