Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
