Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
