I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
