Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
