After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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