I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
