i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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