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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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