I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
