My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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