hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
