lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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