Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
