My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
