I met the friendliest cop last night
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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