doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
