I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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