Walk of Shame. In a state park.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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