you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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