It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
