i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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