FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
