he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
