Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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