I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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