the condom got lost in my hair
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
