Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
