I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
