someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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