We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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