So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
