the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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