i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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