those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
