she was so not down for the gang bang
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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