Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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