My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
