He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
