do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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