Got a toothbrush?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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