did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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