Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
