1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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