Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
