it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
